I have resolved to never again write statements of the form:
[Type of Statement] [Random Number]: [Statement]
Example:
Things Facebook Has Taught Me #2341: Some dogs may be cats.
Instead, should I find the need to give the illusion of enumerating such things, I will actually enumerate them. The joy of scaring people with an actual list of statements will be fun. This post, being the first in the series of such posts, will retain my explanation as to the reason for these lists. The operative word is “joy”, though “scaring” is equally important.
Things Facebook Has Taught Me
- Only a fraction of a percent of the population of Facebook users knows what “Order of Operations” is.
- From Tyler V: Lol is an emotion, verb, verbal pause (and, I add, a complete sentence)
- You can threaten the life of people who enjoy Twilight on Facebook, but should you post your thoughts on the state of the country or about your faith, beware.
- Every time a change occurs on Facebook, one group loves it, one group hates it, and one group doesn’t care. These groups seem to remain consistent over long-term periods, regardless of the types of changes implemented by Facebook.
- You can use hash tags in statuses to identify Hipsters. While not entirely reliable, this is accurate more often than not.
- Changing your birthday to another day of the year will result in tons of misinformed wishes for your happiness. Really though, how many people do you expect to remember your actual birthday if you have hundreds of “Facebook friends”?
- You will always be unpleasantly surprised at the quantity of statuses that have misspellings or grammatical errors. The unpleasantness is made all the more intense by remembering that statuses are generally very short and wouldn’t take very long to read over before sending to the world.
- Quotes that are clearly structured in modern parlance are likely modern, but will often be attributed to any number of historical figures. Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, and Albert Einstein are the usual suspects.
- The number of comments and likes a person receives is directly correlated to how attractive they are.
- You can identify the personality of a person who rivals your thoughts in almost immediate time by posting your deeply-held political or religious convictions. If they respond indirectly in their own posts, they are passive-aggressive, for instance.